Ethnic Jokes
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Leave if you do not enjoy this type of humor
A Canadian:
--Thinks an income tax refund is a gift from the government.
--On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, assumes it is a train.
--When given a compliment, always looks behind to see for whom it is
intended.
--Knows the difference between the Northern Lights and a Northern Lite.
--Doesn't know anyone who owns a flag.
--Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit too spicy".
--Holds the world's record for telephone use, probably listening to
"Don't hang up. Your call is important to us".
--Is constantly pulling himself up by the roots to see whether he is
still growing.
--Will drive to an unemployment protest meeting in his Toyota.
--Is convinced that democracy involves keeping your opinions to yourself.
--In a restaurant, apologizes for not being ready to order at the
waiter's convenience.
--Will travel across the border to buy cigarettes and return home for
subsidized cancer therapy.
--Says "sorry" when you accidentally bump into him.
--Waits for the light to change before crossing a deserted intersection
at 3 a.m.
--Takes as a signal for a standing ovation any two people who happen
to be leaving during curtain calls.
--Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an agreement about free trade.
--Says "no big deal" to a sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.
--Considers turning up the thermostat an integral part of foreplay.
--Says "no thanks" to a telemarketing tape.
--Never sits in someone else's seat, even if the ticket holder doesn't
show.
--Says hi to anyone walking a dog.
--Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear bathing suits.
--Finds himself thinking about sending off to "Hinterland: Who's Who" for
further information on the loon.
--Carries travelers checks in a money belt.
--Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38 below, but it's a dry cold".
--When he musters enough courage to buy a Rolex watch, wears it hidden
under a long-sleeve shirt and an Eaton's suit.
--Spends an inordinate amount of time trying to define what an Canadian
is.
The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are
charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the Judge says to the man who shouted.
He turns to be defendant and says, "you are also charged
with killing a paperboy with a shovel"
"Damn tightwad" the same man in the gallery blurted out
"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "you are
also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You jackass!" the man from the gallery yelled.
The judge thundered at the man in the galley: "If you don't tell
me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in
contempt!"
The man answered back, "I've lived beside that man for ten
years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I
needed to borrow one?!"
A Polish family is sitting in the living room.
The wife turns to the husband and says, "Let's send the kids out back to p-l-a-y , so we can fuck."
Q: Did you hear about the guy who's half Polish and half Mexican?
A: He made a run for the border and forgot where he was going.
Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One guy said he
was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irishman and tapped him on
the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick
was a faggot and he didn't care!"
"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn." The second
Englishman
walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. "I hear your Patrick
was a transvestite faggot!"
"Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're
right, he is unshakable!"
The third Englishman said "No, no, no, I will really piss him off, you just
watch."
The Englishman walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and
said..."I hear your St. Patrick was an Englishman!"
"Yeah, thats what your buddies were trying to tell me."
I fuck her low,
I fuck her high,
I fuck her wet, I fuck her dry,
And when she's dead and long forgotten,
I'll dig her up, and fuck her rotten!
Let's Reinforce a Few National Stereotypes:
There are eleven beautiful deserted islands in the middle
of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together
having loads of sex.
The German woman has a strict weekly schedule when she alternates with
the two German men.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at
the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while
the American woman keeps on bitching about the necessity of fulfilment,
the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend treated
her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian
woman, who is checking out all the men on the other islands, after
calling them "bloody wankers".
One New Zealand man is having sex with the New Zealand woman, the other
Kiwi is searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South to make
them feel more at home, and by setting up a distillery. They do not
remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after
the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied that
at least "those English bastards" are not getting any.
This is the Joke which i found to be the funniest today:
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game,
looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed
to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in
there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and
if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and
the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay,
now concentrate... what is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got
it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming,
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
It's Harold's first day in the car pool. They honk the
horn in front of his house and he comes running out.
He gets about halfway down the walk when he hears a
grunt and the sound of his wife's foot tapping on the
porch. He turns around and there she is, scowling at
him. He runs back to the steps, spreads her bathrobe,
bends over, kisses her on the snatch, runs back down
the walk and hops in the car.
They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Burnett,
the driver, can't stand it. Burnett asks, "Harold, it's
none of my business, but why did you kiss her down there?"
Harold says, "You wouldn't believe her breath in the
morning."